Breaking up used to mean breaking things off. And that meant everything, in that you weren’t likely to see your ex unless you somehow ran into her again.

But what about Facebook? Can you remain friends on Facebook with an ex girlfriend? Or the more important question: if your girlfriend hasn’t unfriended you after breaking up, can you somehow use Facebook to get your ex back?

Social media has made breaking up a much more complicated situation than it used to be. In the past things were simple; you’d lose each other’s phone number and life would go on.

Nowadays? You’ve got tons of social media connections that remain behind even after the relationship is apparently over. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, group text-messages… suddenly you’ve got to decide which of these ties to cut, and which to keep.

Seeing an ex girlfriend can be painful, especially if you’re still in love with her. Wanting her back and even trying to win her heart again can be made infinitely more complex when Facebook is telling you were she went that day, who she met up with, what she did, and what she had for breakfast.

It might also sound simple to just unfriend your ex. But in matters of the heart? Nothing’s ever that simple. You’ll want to hang onto these connections because they represent a portion of your past relationship. One that you loved and looked forward to every day. One that brought you closer together, even though right now it’s making your heart hurt.

What Happens With Facebook After You Break Up

Before we talk about social media, it’s a good idea to learn what goes on during a break up. And not just with you, the person who got dumped, but what’s going on in your ex girlfriend’s mind as well.

First of all, your ex didn’t dump you without a reason. Sometimes a girl will tell you what that friend filter facebook reason truly was, but most times she’ll make another, simpler excuse for ending the relationship. Often she’ll do this to spare your feelings (i.e. if there’s another guy she’s interested in, she’s not going to cite that as the reason she ended things), but even more often she’s just choosing the path of least resistance. She’s picking whatever reason (such as the vague “it’s not you, it’s me”) she thinks will be easiest for you to swallow, simply because she wants to get out of the situation as quickly and cleanly as possible.

Want the REAL reason she broke up with you? Learn how to make her reveal that reason. Because knowing truly why things ended is one of the first steps in getting her back.

Second, realize that after the breakup your girl is watching you closely. And she’s not doing this for your benefit, she’s doing it for her own.

Anyone who ever broke up with someone thinks the exact same thing: I hope I’m making the right decision. They’re looking for signs that the decision was correct; that ending things was the right move, and that the person they left behind was wrong for them.

So when your ex looks back over her shoulder? She expects to see you upset. She wants to see you crushed. This isn’t because she’s cruel, it’s because seeing you this way gives her the impression that she’s better off without you. After all, if you’re that hung up on her, why would she still date you? Apparently your happiness depends on her, and that’s a hell of a lot of responsibility she doesn’t want.

Also? You’re a GUY. No guy should be crying or whining or (worse) begging for a girl to take them back. No guy should be sitting by the phone, hopelessly devastated because his girlfriend broke up with him. These things are HUGE turnoffs. Especially to a girl who has already decided to let you go.

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